found

 i found a bunch of writings from my teen/young adult years today.
  here's the few that struck me as..not so bad.


                                       
                                                                                       2-6-00

  I can see it.  It's an image that's always with me.
    Reaching far back into my childhood  during
    long car rides home at night.
The shadow of my being
descending  ascending   fluctuating
 with the light from street lights as we pass.
      Just like my moods,
        ever changing.
 It is a constant vision of comfort I can rely on,
  even in these crazy days.
        This shadow of me on the back of the seat.

*******************************************************************

wow....

 i thought i smelled it (you)

and then i did see
 
  wisteria blooming

 showing your (her) self off

    for the spring (time)

 with fig in my teeth

 and my hair all a mess

 i like riding up the street the wrong way.

 sometimes  to swim through your

   waters    it's murky.
  i always know there is a gleaming light.


  p.s.
     i love rocky balboa

from 5-24-1999, retrospectively titled "ode to my favourite colour"

 sea-foam green-like the waves that
the little mermaid frolicked in sea-foam
like what she turned into   her black hair
swirling-sea green and blue   like
aunt karen's old bathroom wallpaper
mermaids  again  in a psychedelic swirl
of green, silver, white and blue  could've
lived in that room  with those beautiful
sea creatures for company  just staring
at the walls..... crayons, sea-foam
green was always a loud color but pretty and creamy
yet bold and industrial  all at once

  pointed crayon  brand new waxy crayon

on the way to cape may

ring a bell to find you

in a secret place,
  somewhere where you have no fear.

 maybe this is where you wish to find me.

 no map for taking the first step into
 this nebula(ous) space

  high-pitched ringing in the darkness

  pushes

   carries through
 pierces the black places.

  just to dredge and keep dredging for
    raw knowledge
and through murky sediment, there will be not

 a shiny perfect pearl

 but a blemished
    pitted pearl.

**************************************************************************************************************************
  by the sea with salt water lapping at me and the sun close to setting we walk and find shells, no remembrance of a conversation
 but i was thinking of mermaids and of
my life, before this life.

remember

  economy of living, these days has taught me much.
   
one sack of cherries appears as a bag overflowing with pure         
            gold.

  aromas have served to quench desires of consuming. a lesson 
     which is important for one to learn.

 a pleasure very small, very simple will fill my day full of light.

   finding my joy in the slow drawl just before it all will become 
             very fast.

   

  

cat piss and flowers

                     seems indicative of a summertime coming in texas as biking

                         down these streets you'll encounter  wafting into your

                             nostrils.   and spilled and stale beer that too mixed up

               with mimosa trees and yuccas that were once poised to burst with

                                        their very lives and all.

    and all   a head full of crying     and some grass to lie in.

         iced tea with lime slices on porches while branches threaten to

            push through screens.   and then do i feel (do i feel?)

                            most serene.

what do they do?

do your ghosts love you?
  or, do your ghosts haunt you?

                                       

i once saw this piece of art. the image does not remain with me as much as the words printed onto it;

"you are all of the bad things you have ever done and you are all of the good things you have ever done"

is it ice or glass

watch your hands.

     

swimming

 
beauty can engulf you.
the state of being drowned by the senses can take over, daily, if you allow them to.


      lost in light and texture. sound and air.

 
 

 you will find me there.