new light (s)

old dream found

  riding on a bus, for hours it seems. i believe jennie was riding beside me for awhile. the bus was lumbering through some desolate city landscape. seemed like it was late afternoon by the looks of the slanting yellowish-orange sun which would pour across things, bathe things...the rest seemed sort of grey...but not completely lifeless.
 finally the end of the line and i'm at b's apartment, but i'm alone now (i think). i start my way up the steps-up to the first landing where dusty light streamed through the window. i walked into his place...i knew the door was always open, but i still felt bad about going in-it seems like i was uninvited. so i go in and i sit down and suddenly two middle aged italian men burst in. they were quite big men, swarthy as well. it seems like they were landlords. they just stood in front of the doorway, just inside the apartment and squabbled over something i never really quite figured out. then, as quickly as they came, they were gone.  so i sat for awhile. looking around, soaking in the mostly tan-colored apartment. the rugs were tan, the walls rather eggshell with brown accents. i sat in a green leather chair and watched the dust filter through the light-beams. it seems there were tables all around, maybe orange topped ones, and some sort of project was under way-what i don't know.
  then after some time i decided to take a shower. i felt horribly guilty for having done this and i was afraid i was going to get caught in the act and not know how to explain myself. just as i was finishing getting dressed i heard a doorknob turning, a door shut and some bustling about. i called out and ran into the front room, saying hello. b's son was with him.. he looked like i would imagine b looking when younger...long hair, slight and quiet.
 i start trying to explain myself. i start reading an article out loud from a magazine, thinking somehow it would do the trick. it was all greek to me, it wasn't justifying anything. so i just told him straight up. he waved it off..instead, he started bustling about, talking about preparations for a dinner and some guests, perhaps his parents..it was someone from his family. he gave me a task. i had to bring back an ear of corn, motor oil and cinnamon and sugar mix. he handed me some money and shuffled me out the door.  i didn't think to ask where a store was. i figured i know where one was, i'd just ridden the bus through town and was sure i'd seen at least one. and besides, north lamar ran right behind his house, which i kept marveling at for, this wasn't austin at all, but some broken down part of philly.
  i stepped outside-feeling a bit overwhelmed, but fairly confident. i started my way down the street, and realized i had no idea where i was. it was the end of the line....and it was a long route anyway. i looked around and realized i was in the ghetto. i saw children playing in the streets, running through fire hydrants, running through the diagonal slants of sunlight that flashed with the passing reflection of car windows and shiny exteriors driving by, and rattling with the passing of a train-or trolley-or underground. people milling about on corners and fat women in loud house dresses-screaming laughter and names down the street, down from windows.